The Aberrant Conflagration Affair
by danakate
Summary: Oneshot. PWP except, dude, I can't write fic without at least *some* plot. And the more I wrote, the more plot happened. I'M SORRY. Penny, Sheldon, formal wear, an oopsie, and smut. I apologize for the sap.


**Spoilers**: None, really. Just general show stuff.  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own any part of The Big Bang Theory. I'm just borrowing their universe for my own entertainment.  
**Word Count**: ~4200  
**Notes**: Inspired by LJ misskoum's fanart of Sheldon as Darcy.

* * *

Sheldon was pretty sure if it was possible for the forces of the universe to conspire against him, they were doing so right now.

He arrives at work to find a garment bag hanging inside his office and a note that says "Call me." signed "Gablehauser."

Scowling, Sheldon follows the instructions and the conversation, at least on Sheldon's side, goes something like this:

"Dr. Gablehau--"

Pause.

"What?"

Pause. At this point, Sheldon is outright frowning. A look of horror starts to creep across his features.

"But--"

Pause. Sheldon sits down heavily. He hangs up the phone, but not before the following words are heard from the earpiece: "_...a female date, Cooper!_"

* * *

Penny is figuring out what do with her evening when Sheldon's particular knock sounds on her door. She pulls it open and smiles at the awkward physicist.

"Hey, Sheldon. What can I do for you?"

She thinks he looks oddly nervous and she notices a garment bag slung over his shoulder. She looks at it and then at Sheldon, an unspoken question between them.

"Penny," he starts, then stops.

She raises an eyebrow. When it's clear he's not saying any more, she shrugs and shuts the door in his face.

Penny starts counting backwards from ten. She gets to four when he knocks again.

"Hey, Sheldon," she repeats. "What can I do for you?"

Sheldon opens his mouth, closes it, and repeats the motion a few times. She takes pity on him and steps aside, waving him in. Maybe he'll be more coherent if he's not standing in the doorway.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" She has her hands on her hips as she leans against her closed front door.

In answer, Sheldon holds out the garment bag.

Curiosity gets the better of her and she takes the item into her room so she can hang it in the closet and open it. She doesn't expect what's inside.

"Is this an...old style tuxedo?" she calls out. Sheldon is still standing in her living room.

Penny looks back at the material. It's extremely well made and, if she's not mistaken, the dress shirt is silk.

"Is this a cravat? Wow, I haven't seen one of these in real life. Only in, like, _Pride and Prejudice_."

She walks back into the living room and stares Sheldon down.

"Are you going to tell me why you've brought me a suit that looks to be made for you?" she asks, starting to get a little irritated.

She tries to suppress the little jolt of anticipation that goes through her when she imagines Sheldon in the tuxedo.

Penny watches for a few moments and just as she's about to kick him out of her apartment, he sighs heavily.

"I have been...informed," he starts, sounding afflicted, "that I am required to attend a university function. A _themed_ university function. Two weeks from Saturday."

Penny waits for more and balks when he doesn't provide it.

"And?" she prods.

"And I am also required to bring a date. A..._female_ date. That was specified."

Penny again waits for more.

"And?" she prods again.

She's not going to let him get out of this. She wants to hear it.

Sheldon starts to fidget and she bites her lip so she doesn't giggle. She doesn't want to scare him off.

"I would...very much appreciate it if you would accompany me to this completely inane event, Penny," Sheldon finally manages. "I would, as is commonly said, 'owe you one'."

Penny barely manages not to do an actual victory dance.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear that," she says instead. "Would you repeat that?"

If looks could kill, Penny would have been dead several times over by now, but this Death Glare from Sheldon is by far the most intense. She still can't help but grin.

"Will. You. Be. My. Date."

The words are literally ground out.

She puts a finger to her lip and tilts her head in contemplation.

"Let me think about that a moment," she drawls.

Sheldon stares.

Sheldon twitches.

Sheldon starts to vibrate on the spot.

"Okay," Penny finally answers.

Sheldon sits down on Penny's couch.

"So, what exactly is this function?" she asks, moving into the room to sit by him.

"A _themed_ function, Penny," he corrects. "The university holds a gala, if you will, every other year. The point of which is to woo more donors for grant money. Dr. Gablehauser informed me it was mandatory that I attend as some of the donors the department is attempting to gain is for theoretical physicists."

"Are all the theoretical physicists attending?"

"Dr. Gablehauser said that as I was the foremost mind in theoretical physics at the university at this time, my presence alone would be sufficient to represent the field."

Penny blinks.

"Has he _met_ you?" is what she says out loud.

In her mind, she thinks, "Well played, Dr. Gablehauser."

Because even she knows the best way to get anything out of Sheldon is to compliment him. She wonders if Gablehauser is secretly hoping Sheldon will muck up the event and, thus, have a reason to fire him (again).

"I presume you are commenting on my well known lack of social aptitude," Sheldon says, inclining his head towards her.

"Not in so many words, but yes."

"While I am not as well versed in the ways of social interaction as you, Penny, I do think my knowledge in theoretical physics more than makes up for it."

Penny lets it drop for the moment. "And the theme?"

"Regency period."

Penny smiles. "Ahh, hence that suit style and the cravat."

Sheldon looks at her approvingly. "I wasn't aware you knew much about the various historical time periods."

She waves her hand in dismissal. "I know a little, but this...I've seen _Pride and Prejudice_ about a billion times, Sheldon. I know my Regency."

"I presume you are speaking of the 2005 remake featuring Kiera Knightly and Matthew Macfadyen as the principle characters?"

She nods. "And the mini-series 10 years prior with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth."

Penny doesn't mention her favorite part is after Firth's Darcy jumped into the pond and walked out all damp and disheveled. Who knew a man in Regency clothes could look so good soaking wet?

"In any case," Sheldon continues. "If you would, please match your attire accordingly."

"What do I get out of this?" she asks.

"I beg your pardon?"

Penny props her arm up on the back of the couch and leans on her hand. "What do I get for being your date?"

Sheldon frowns. "I believe I already mentioned that I would 'owe you one'."

"Not good enough," she counters.

"No?"

"No."

"And why not?"

"Because there's no guarantee I'll cash in on you owing me one, Sheldon."

He regards her in silence, then speaks. "I'll do your laundry for a month."

"Still not good enough."

He eyes her dubiously.

She rolls her eyes and then starts ticking points off on her fingers. "I'm doing this as a favor for you--this one is taken care of. I'm going to have to go out and shop for a new outfit; Regency-style dresses aren't everywhere. I'm attending a function I have no interest in and will probably be really bored at when I could be out with my friends like I normally am."

"Since the university paid for and selected my tuxedo, I will pay for your attire up to the cost of mine."

Penny's eyes widen.

"How much are we talking, here?"

Her eyes stay wide when he tells her.

"Okay," she says. "It's a deal."

* * *

Two weeks from Saturday comes fast and suddenly Sheldon is outside Penny's door dressed to the nines.

When she opens it, it's as if two totally different people are there instead of Sheldon and Penny.

Penny's dress is the appropriate Regency-style Empire-waist design in neutral shades that set off her eyes. Her shoes are also modest and not very tall, in keeping with the period.

The thoughts that go through their heads go like this.

Sheldon: "Beautiful. Aesthetically pleasing. Neither terms are even remotely adequate."

Penny: "Hot. Hot HOT HOT. Holy crap on a cracker. HOT."

What's said aloud is merely, "Ready?" and Sheldon proffers his arm.

"I'm assuming I'm driving?" Penny asks as they make their way down the stairs. It's amazing how well they fit together. Their arms don't even jostle as they walk to the ground floor.

"Actually, no," Sheldon says. "I was informed a limo would pick us up."

She stops suddenly and Sheldon nearly stumbles. "No way!"

"Yes...way?"

Penny swats at his arm and is grinning like a maniac by the time they step into said limo and are speeding away to the function which, as it turns out, is being held at a fancy hotel downtown.

Sheldon, predictably, picks the seat in the back and buckles himself in. Penny, meanwhile, enjoys the whole of the limo, sliding around on the leather seats and walking back and forth as the car moves. She ignores all of Sheldon's protestations about proper conduct whilst inside a moving vehicle.

When they arrive at the hotel, there's a red carpet waiting for them and the higher ups from the university are greeting the guests.

Sheldon is visibly nervous.

Penny is visibly enthralled. She was born for this.

She makes Sheldon get out first and then help her out like any gallant gentleman of the Regency period would and he pulls it off with more elegance than she thought he had.

And then they're walking down the red carpet. When they reach the university board members, they pose and several flashbulbs go off as their picture is taken. For a moment, Penny pretends this is what her life will be like in the near future.

The ballroom is enormous and both Penny and Sheldon are a little awestruck when they enter.

"Well," Penny says, looking up at Sheldon. She isn't used to seeing him out of his element and she thinks it's kind of endearing. "Here we go."

* * *

The night goes off without a hitch. There are a few near misses, but Penny's there to keep Sheldon from accidentally offending anyone or from boring them to tears.

There's dancing (of course, there's dancing), but in a slight departure, a short tutorial on Regency period dances is showing on a loop in discrete corners of the ballroom. At the appointed hour, all couples dance the appropriate dances.

Penny has more fun than she thought she'd have.

Sheldon, when prodded, admits he doesn't feel the event is as unpleasant as he had anticipated.

They're nibbling on hors d'oeuvres when Gablehauser corners them.

"Doctor Cooper! Glad you could make it!"

It's clear the man is a little inebriated.

"Doctor Gablehauser," Sheldon says, his voice a little cool. "I had little choice."

The man is still smiling.

"He means he wouldn't miss it for the world," Penny chimes in, attaching herself to Sheldon's arm and smiling.

"And who is this lovely thing?" Gablehauser asks, leaning way too far into Penny's personal space.

Sheldon shifts slightly, pulling her a little behind him. "This is Penny. My date."

"You're a lucky man, Doctor Cooper! We should have a dance, Miss Penny," Gablehauser leers.

"Sorry," she says through clenched teeth. "My dance card's all full. In fact, shouldn't we be dancing, sweetie?"

Sheldon looks down at her in alarm.

"That's a shame," Gablehauser says, putting a hand out towards Penny.

She sidesteps, pulling Sheldon towards the dance floor.

"Oh, yes. Indeed," Sheldon says. He manages to toss their napkins in the trash before being swallowed by the crowd.

"You never told me your boss was creepy," Penny mutters under her breath, keeping a smile on for those who are watching.

"It appears his negative characteristics are more pronounced when inebriated," Sheldon muses.

They find a spot and face each other. The music has changed to a more contemporary tune and Sheldon takes Penny's hand in his and rests the other on her back.

"Most people's negative characteristics are more pronounced when inebriated, Sheldon."

He nods his head in assent. "Might I inquire why you decided not to partake tonight?"

"You mean why I'm not tossing back drinks like these other folks?" she asks. "It may be the thing they did during the Regency period, but this is kind of neat. I want to remember it. And I know you don't drink, so."

A couple bumps into them, then, and they unconsciously move closer together while exchanging apologies and platitudes with the other couple.

They're both a little surprised when they notice just how close they are.

The next tune queues up and it is slower than the last.

"Penny," Sheldon starts and she's pretty sure he's going to ask that they stop.

"Could we enjoy this, Sheldon? Just this once?"

He looks at her for a long moment and nods. She smiles up at him and then rests her head on his chest.

Penny can feel Sheldon's cheek on the top of her head. He's holding her close, now, and they're swaying in time to the music. His heartbeat is strong beneath her ear and he's not trying to squirm away from her like she's some germ infested vermin.

* * *

Sheldon breathes in the sweet scent of her and, for the first time, muses that sometimes physical contact can be enjoyable. Just a little.

* * *

The song ends and there's a short break. Sheldon and Penny look at each other as couples start to leave the dance floor.

Penny's cheeks darken unexpectedly and she says, "It's a little warm in here. Could we take a walk outside?"

Sheldon nods and, sheltering her slightly with his body, a hand at the small of her back, he guides her to one of the ballroom's doors.

They exit onto a landing and take the steps down to the hotel's vast gardens.

The moon is full and the foliage looks much more enchanting in the lunar light.

"This is a really nice hotel," Penny muses. She's walking a little ahead of Sheldon, hands clasped behind her back.

"The atmosphere is pleasing," Sheldon admits.

Penny twirls around and grins at him. "Thank you for inviting me. I'm having more fun than I thought I would."

"I'm...glad."

And he is.

Ever since Penny came into his life, he's had to adjust his patterns. Without realizing it, Sheldon has inadvertently changed most of his patterns to accommodate Penny. And if he's perfectly honest with himself, he doesn't really mind.

They walk for a few more moments in silence.

"Can you hear that?" Penny asks. "It sounds like a fountain."

Sheldon, whose hearing had picked up the noise before she mentioned it, nods. "I believe so."

"Cool!" and she's all but running off to find it.

Alarmed, Sheldon follows, his steps quickening when he hears her yelp in surprise.

He finds her next to the fountain, half sprawled on the ground.

"What happened?"

Penny points to a piece of dislodged stone. "I tripped. Ouch."

She's looking at her left arm, a scrape just starting to bead blood appearing just below her shoulder.

"Guess I should have watched where I was going," she says sheepishly.

Sheldon helps her up and sits her on the edge of the fountain. He gently grasps her arm and turns it slightly to get a better view. His fingers are warm on her skin.

"It isn't too deep," he says. "But we should clean it up quickly."

He glances around, then up at the sky, thinking.

Coming to some sort of conclusion, Penny watches in fascination as his long fingers slowly work the knot of his cravat loose and he slips the silk fabric from around his throat. Unconsciously, she licks her lips.

Sheldon folds the fabric in half and dips one end into the fountain, wrings out the excess water, then carefully wipes the debris and blood off her scrape.

Penny gasps at the contact.

"Does that sting?" he asks.

They're close, now, and the moonlight makes Sheldon's eyes an impossible shade of blue.

"No," she breathes. "The water is colder than I expected."

He nods and returns to his task. Soon, he is wrapping the cravat carefully, yet snugly, against her arm, protecting the scrape.

"There," he says as he finishes. He doesn't pull away.

Sheldon is looking up at her, now, his head bent from his task. From his vantage point, the moonlight reflects off Penny's hair like a halo and he's momentarily mesmerized by the image.

"Kiss it better?" she asks, voice barely a whisper.

His eyes widen and he sees a flash of regret in her eyes before she turns away and starts to pull away.

Sheldon stills her by holding fast to her arm and putting his other hand on her knee.

They say nothing, but their eyes speak volumes. Slowly, he lowers his lips to her bandage and kisses it, all the while keeping his eyes on hers.

The air around them seems to crackle with electricity. Penny sucks in a breath. Sheldon closes his eyes and kisses the skin just below the bandage.

And then he can feel the cool touch of her hand on the side of his face and she's pulling him up towards her. He feels the whisper of her lips against his until finally, they settle firmly upon them and she's kissing him, stealing his breath away.

Sheldon is lost in the feel of her and when Penny pulls away he opens his eyes, ready to protest. But what he sees is uncertainty and he realizes she didn't think he wanted that.

So, he brings his hands to her face and pulls her to him, kissing her in return. She sighs contentedly beneath him and he opens his mouth to her when her tongue runs across his lower lip.

The kisses are sweet, exploratory, but her hand on his chest stirs something inside him and Sheldon all but pulls Penny onto his lap. He moves a hand to her thigh, sliding slowly up to her hip and she pulls him closer. The feel of her fingers at the nape of his neck sends a shiver right down to his groin and Sheldon makes a noise in the back of his throat he's certain he's never made before.

It sounds like a growl.

* * *

Penny is lost in the unending surprise that is Sheldon Cooper. She's pretty certain he has little experience with kissing, much less anything more, but she also knows he's an insanely quick learner and he is, indeed, learning how to kiss her. And touch her. Her skin is on fire everywhere he's touched her and she's certain she just might burst into flame.

His hands are in her hair and on her hip. Her hands are on his neck and the other is working his shirt out of his pants, desperate to touch skin.

They break apart when her fingers graze his stomach and both of them suck in deep breaths of air. They stare at each other, eyes wide.

"Hi," she says.

"Hello."

Neither move for a long, long moment.

Finally, Penny leans in, but just as she's about to kiss him once more, a drop of rain plops on her nose. She looks up, notices the clouds moving fast to cover the moon. The wind picks up slightly.

''It's going to rain," he says, his voice a low rumble in his chest.

"Yeah."

They spot a bench just across from the fountain, mostly covered by the trees, and head for it. They're not fast enough, for the skies open up and rain comes down in sheets, instantly drenching them.

She reaches the haven of the bench first, sitting heavily and wrapping her arms around her as the air turns a little cooler.

Penny instantly warms again at the sight of Sheldon, moving--no, _stalking_--towards her. His hair is disheveled. His jacket is unbuttoned. His shirt is soaked through and she can see his chest beneath. Where she'd pulled the shirt from his pants is stuck to the side and she can see the skin of his abdomen.

He looks utterly, completely, and unbelievably tasty.

She can't wait to get her hands on him.

* * *

Sheldon, meanwhile, is conflicted. Part of him thinks this is wrong. The other thinks it's very, very right. That other part of him is winning, especially when he sees Penny sitting on the bench with lust in her eyes for _him_. She's every bit as beautiful as she was earlier, even though she's soaked through and the intricate curls of her hair have all but come out. If anything, it makes her more alluring, something Sheldon never thought he'd experience.

They reach for each other at the same time and soon their lips are joined once more, the searing heat between them pushing everything else aside.

Sheldon manages to shed his soaked coat and he's laying Penny down upon it, pulling her off the bench. The coat may be wet, but it's soft.

They're touching each other everywhere, then, wild and unchecked like the rain around them.

Penny hitches a knee at his waist, grinding into him, reveling in the groan she feels from him. She tangles her fingers into his hair as she caresses his tongue with hers. Her other hand is working at his belt, an action made more difficult by how closely he's pressed to her.

Sheldon has a hand under her dress, sliding between her legs. His fingers push the fabric of her panties aside and he tentatively plunges one finger inside. She breaks the kiss, then, gasping loudly as he gently thrusts a finger, then two, in her, stroking her.

She's clutching at him madly, then, as his fingers find just the right place to touch her. Suddenly, his hand twists and she's arching impossibly off the ground, screaming in surprise and pleasure as orgasm hits her.

"Where the hell did you learn that?" Penny gasps when the breath finally comes back to her.

"Research," Sheldon answers plainly.

"Of course," she mutters before hooking a leg behind his knee and deftly flipping them over. She wasn't junior rodeo champion for nothing.

* * *

She's working at his pants again, then, and being more successful. She grins wickedly when she hears him hiss as she wraps her hand around the length of him. Sheldon is hot and hard in her grasp and Penny revels at the thought that she can make Sheldon Cooper want this kind of physical interaction.

Sheldon has his hands on her hips under her dress, the thumbs hooked into the side of her panties. As she starts to stroke him, his hips piston and he's pretty sure he's not going to last long if she continues this.

"Penny," he grounds out, hips bucking.

"I know," she says, voice next to his ear.

She stops touching him and it's almost worse. Frustration builds within him and Sheldon pulls sharply with his hands, breaking the fabric of her panties. He hears Penny gasp and looks up to see surprise and hunger in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'll buy you a new pair."

"Maybe I should stop wearing them."

* * *

He doesn't answer, can't, because she's lowering herself onto him and it is the most unexpected, sensual, and single most amazing feeling he's ever had. Penny is hot and tight around him and Sheldon wonders why he ever denied himself this kind of connection before.

In the back of his mind, he knows why, it's because he was waiting for her.

* * *

Penny settles atop him and stills, wanting to savor the moment. She looks down and Sheldon's watching her and she feels oddly self-conscious. She can feel him pulsing inside her, stretching and filling her. She rocks her hips once and they both gasp. She does it again and Sheldon's hands are on her hips once more, gripping her so tightly she's pretty sure she'll have bruises later.

* * *

He thrusts up, then, and the control is all gone. They're moving in perfect rhythm, thousands of years of human instinct taking over.

Sheldon isn't at all experienced in the ways of sex, but he considers himself nearly an expert in all things Penny. He keys off of the pitch of her cries as their bodies caress each other in the most intimate of ways. He moves in time with her, trying to find the angle she likes best. And all too soon, she's locking her knees around him, clenching him almost painfully hard and crying out in pleasure, her muscles rippling madly around him and his hips thrust up of their own volition as he shudders his own release.

He catches her shoulders as she falls forward, helps her to lie down on top of him as their spent bodies try to recuperate.

After a long moment, Penny sits up a little and stares down at Sheldon. They say nothing, their breath still coming too quickly. The rain falls, but gently. Only a few drops find their way through the foliage to them.

She's drawing lazy circles on his chest when he finally speak.

"I..." he tries, but his voice is scratchy. He clears his throat and tries again. "I didn't expect that."

Penny giggles, then, and leans her forehead against his chest.

"Doctor Cooper, before tonight, what do you think the probability of us ending up like this would be?" she asks, smiling brightly.

He opens his mouth to answer and pauses as understanding dawns on him. "I see your point."

They're quiet for a few minutes longer.

"So, what happens next?" Penny asks, voice soft.

Sheldon tightens an arm around her. "If you're referring to...us...I honestly don't know."

"Okay," she says, satisfied for the moment. His answer is vague, but there are possibilities hidden behind the words. Possibilities she thinks she wants to explore.

"But I think," Sheldon starts, fidgeting a little "that we really need to get out of these wet clothes. This is highly uncomfortable."

* * *

**END**


End file.
